I'm sorry because I never got back to you or anyone-I have just recently even bothered checking the site. I kind of fell into a big black hole and am only now struggling to get out again. I guess that I just felt like I 'failed'. I was the lucky one who got to have ketamine and I just didn't respond to it at all. Whatever could go wrong did and I couldn't bring myself to hurt anyone else's hopes for the treatment. It started right from just trying to get a vein-I mean 5-6 picks every day of the 3day course, and that just started me out the second story window, then it made me violently ill, then the second day in I got what they called the 'ketamine headache'. They kept trying to counteract everything each step along the way, but the whole point is to keep increasing the dose of ketamine they're putting in the infusion. The second course had to start at the last dose and continue to increase, fighting the headache and vomiting-determined to keep going-then the hallucinations came. I only remember it being horrible. They had to bring my sister into the treatment area to calm me, apparently I was certain they were all out to kill me ... all in all, it was just plain a very difficult experience. My body's still a mess, the stellate blocks don't work, they just make me flare. The pain is bad-still haven't found a pain med I'm not allergic to - the burning is less, or at least comes and goes. Just started me on blood pressure med because it's not stable, it's just all over the map. I'm booked for ketamine again in July, they feel I just have to try again even though I swore I wouldn't last year. This 'woe is me' is why I just couldn't bring myself to post about my ketamine experience - I didn't have the right to possibly hurt someone else's hope for the treatment. Maybe I'll never know why my body can't handle meds - I'm just trying to keep going one day at a time. So, can't type anymore for now as my arms are yelling. I just felt I owed you an apology for not sharing my story in posts and I hadn't climbed far enough out of myself to check in - I couldn't bear to discourage anyone. I pray you're doing okay.