hi im happy to find this website and share my experience. i hope someone could relate to my problem.
im a wife for almost six years now,we have 1 daughter .she is already 5 years old.my problem started a year of our marriage. we were living with my husbands family at that time.my husband was the only child,so right after we got married, we took over my husband family's business. this is a shop of appliances and everything. this shop is just in front of their house.when we got married,i was already talking to my husband about living on our own, but he refused. his reason was that he was the only child so eventually he would be the one to own the house. and according to him the shop was just in front of their house so it would be a waste of money and effort to rent our own house. this is our usual discussion that sometimes end with a terrible fight.until i gave birth to my child.and this issue never resolved since my in laws and was never really get along fine.
my husband's habit of going out at night with his friends became chronic. almost every night. he left me with the business, my child(which is only an infant at that time) and with the house chores. i cant hardly manage to look myself at the mirror or even comb my hair. ive learned to multitask because if i wont, we will starve to death.my in laws doesnt care what my husband is doing and seems like its not enough they constantly nagging me of the things i didnt do in a day, but they cannot see what ive been going through at that time.
we always fight to the point that he beat me in front of my child. this beating episodes happened a lot of times.i cant even recognize myself. ive tried to fight back but im a girl, he's stronger than i am.this fight usually happen at night.in the morning, he will treat me as if nothing happened the previous night.
but eventually i became immune of evrything i 've been going through. i focused my love to my child. i protect her, i loved her so much.
i cant forget evrything he did to me. now i can say that he at least changed for the better, but i think its already too late..i became cold as stone. i lost
my true self.everytime he wants to hold me,or touoch me. my body seems to jerk,my hands automatically push him away.i dont love him anymore,although im trying to make my family intact, forgiveness wasnt hard to give if only i could forget all those memories. but i cant..
i hope someday, i psychologist or psychiatrist could read this.i hope someone could explain what to do.