Moonstar no need to apologize. You've been through so much and I can feel the heart ache in your voice. I don't know you, yet anyway, but I have so much admiration for you. But Moonstar you are correct...we are the luckiest girls in the world.

Barbara I had no idea your brother committed suicide also. Even more so with everything thrown at you to do about it. But the difference is you knew something wasn't right. I, we had no idea.

I know that now that I've said it I should start the healing process..my pdoc said that too. But why am I'm hurting so bad today? I feel like I've let him down or something. I've kept this in so long but it was just eating at me. I've almost mentioned it several times, the latest being when someone posted "Why don't they just say it?". Mark's obit didn't say it either. It just said that he went home to the Lord. And I felt I had to be close to the Lord today. I went to all 3 masses at our church today and I prayed and prayed to Mark to forgive me.

Oh Doddy I'd give anything to be able to do that. But they're with Mark. They know the answer but I'm left here wondering and wonder what went wrong.