You are certainly not alone! I am 52, and in your words I see my future. At a time when life should be less bothersome and more relaxed, I'm hit with this monster. Scared and angry, facing uncertainty every day.

What I find intriguing is how our group here on this forum are of similar age. We are still young! I'm terrified that I'll be living in pain for the next 30 or 40 years. One day of this is often more than I can stand. Sometimes I ask myself why I do it, why endure this. Subconsciously I guess I'm waiting for a miracle to give me my life back.

Because there is no physical injury proving the extent of my pain, it's difficult for my family to grasp just how hard it is for me to walk and do normal things, example dancing. If I'm having a good day, I dare not show them, for they will assume I'm better and expect me to be more able to do things.

Our monster is silent, ever torturing.

The ONLY thing preventing me from ending this existence is knowing I am not. alone on this awful journey. Every now and then someone is saved, giving a glimmer of hope.

Anyway, just want you to know that you have us. We care and truly understand your pain.