I can't tell you how much my heart hurts when I read your stories of the pain you endure and the attempts you make to live fulfilling lives. As y'all know I don't have CRPS, I'm stuck with chronic lower, upper and cervical pain, fibromyalgia, PN, a dodgy bowel, a compromised immune system and these never ending headaches.

I try, I really try every day to be positive and to start to do things to live a life. I'm only 52 and I'm determined to prove them wrong and be able to work again. In August my minimum wage superannuation payments will stop so I need to be well enough to be able to get back into the workforce to relieve some of this burden from my husband as I won't qualify for disability due to his income. I'm waiting on a cancellation appt to get into see my PM as the scheduled June 6 is too far away. If I need to have another spinal fusion or the Boston paddle and laminotomy I really would like to get it done while I can still afford hospital bills and medication etc.

I'm over, totally over feeling blue, sore and sad. So I've gone mad and booked tickets to go to the football this Sunday to see our footy team, no clue how I'm going to manage the train journey, the stadium walk and staircase to our seats, but at least we are not up in the nose bleed stands... It will be worth it to see my husband smile, I will as usual have my walking stick and if the crowds (expecting 44000) are pushy i will stand back and make my way after it begins and finishes. And then on Tuesday I've booked to go away down South for 3 nights to my birth town and stay in a lovely B&B self contained oldy worldy cabin that has its own spa so taking champagne, chocolate and cheese. The great news is the local hospital where I was born is only 200 meters away so Lyndon feels it's manageable lol.

I just had to do something, I can see him slumping further and further in the depths of depression as he struggles to accept he is the main breadwinner and I may never return to work. I'm praying I can just get these procedures done before August and that they will work. Something has to go our way sooner or later. I used to be so house proud, now its all I can do to clean the bathroom, kitchen and make the bed. We have a biggish house and I can't do anything outside other than water. Running the vacuum fills me with dread and dusting is so over rated ha ha. Today I've dragged the vac and all the cleaning materials out and tomorrow first thing as soon as I've taken my meds I'm starting. Lyndon will leave for work at 5am so I can begin before it gets to hot. That way the house will be clean for when mum comes for her Friday night roast that I cook and it will still be clean enough for her to stay here next week and mind the pets. Amazingly family members who always rely on me to help them out when they need it are unavailable. Gee what a surprise!

Ok as you guessed, it's going to cost money, too bad, I will scrimp on something else. I rarely go out and in comparison to what we used to spend this will be bottle tops. Hmm maybe I should make it beer, cheese and nuts instead...