Oh Vrae. It really is a monster, this thing. I'm so sorry.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm not where you are yet, thank goodness, but the future is a scary place if I look too far ahead. I try to live for now, but the possibilities are scary, especially on those days where you don't think you can take any more of the pain, and the limitations and the sheer emotional toll of faking your way through so many days where all you want to do is curl into a ball and weep for everything you've lost, and the pain that just consumes you to your core.

You can't hide everything Vrae. You shouldn't have to. Your daughter is a tough and intelligent young woman (if she is anything like her mother ), and she will cope with what is happening to you. Don't try to exclude her from your pain, she probably knows or suspects much of what you're going through. In my not very humble opinion I think the best thing for both of you is for her to know the truth of what you are dealing with (or as close to it as you can bear) and the information and medical stuff. Then she will know the facts.....she already knows how brave her mum is. She'll probably ask a million questions, and you might find that telling her the answers and sharing it might ease some of your lonely burden.

Vrae my lovely little sprig of apple blossom you are not superwoman. Not all the time anyhow. Your daughter is worried, and she loves you, and she probably doesn't understand how and why you are dealing with so much. So tell her. Not knowing is always worse. If it was me and my mum, I'd want to know everything I could. Children are tougher and more resourceful than we think.

Hang on in there my chick. Life isn't always this bleak, and you might just have some brighter times just around the corner. Keep fighting and hoping. And being fabulous. Wish I could be there for you girl.

Bram with a big understanding hug x