Quote:
Originally Posted by Vrae
Hi Llynnyia,
Thank you for sharing your story and perspective with me. I appreciate it and understand what you are saying. I too lost my parents very young. My dad from a car accident when I was 20 and my mother from breast cancer when I was 36. I got CRPS II 5 months after my mother’s death. I am also an only child. Talk about grief… whew.
I think I came off wrong in my initial post. When I said I tried to fake it. I guess I was saying I was trying not to show how scared I am, but at the end of the day, she can see right through me. Her whole life I have been strong and tough as nails. This is no longer true. She is having a hard time processing that. She said to me “I want you to be strong again.” It sounded to me like she is grieving for a former version of me. That I get. I grieve for her too from time to time.  I really had adjusted for the most part to the legs being so messed up but the massive involvement of my arms/hands, upper back, neck, torso… It is taking a toll on me; I'm trying to adjust, and therefore her as well. Our whole family really.
We are navigating our way through this. She is going to be okay. We all are... as we’ve decided against the alternative. We talk; we’re open and verbal. She gets it and is mad as hell about it right now. She took her anger out on the kitchen sink full of dishes tonight. That worked for me.  I will sure miss her when she moves out over the summer. She has just about finished massage school. Oh yeah, I have ask for a standing reservation! Ha!  |
I am sorry about your parents if my Dad was to die anytime soon, I don't think I would make it through okay. I am glad she is finding a mechanism to cope.
Your arms as well as your leg how do you adjust to that? Do you work? or can you I should say? I simply can't image the hardship. It must be so frustrating. (my primary emotion it seems now)
The grief for the former me happens a lot to me, I have changed so so much. And, some of the changes are so odd and hard to I understand. The Dancing , the horses, hiking, shopping ect I get. But I used to draw and paint, I was good to! I lost that, it holds no wonder or fun for me anymore. I lost that magic thing that created those wondrous pictures. Every time I open a sketch book nothing comes out well.
I lost every friend but one because I had changed so much and they didn't enjoy the new sedate me, we no longer had things in common."What good is an interest in hiking if you never show up to do it" quote from one of them when I asked "why I hadn't heard from her for so long and do you have any pictures from your last hike?" So now I have made new older friends , my unofficial fiancee Dave (waiting for ring still lol) is 16 years older then I am
sugar daddy.
I'm not a only child and its a little complicated so I will start easy . At thirteen I permanently move in with dad and step mom Dar (she is the one who died, who really mothered me.) in that house I was the youngest by nine years with two older delinquent siblings.
I am the only child between my bio mom and dad. Bio mom has three other children one boy older(lived with his father from 3 onwards) one girl younger and the youngest a boy. so in her house I was the oldest. I basically raised those two children while bio-mom ran around doing drugs. I would repeatedly give up and move in with dad then be guilt-ed by bio-mom and move back in with her to take care of the two young ones. It was a lot of back and forth. when the abuse went from neglect and mental to full out physical I knew I couldn't do it any more.
Luckily this TMI Openness and verbal sewage wasn't one of the changes!
