On the morning after the first seizure in 2012 I had a blood patch done at 7am. I have to this day thought it was the blood patch that made the headache go away but looking back at it now, perhaps it was the seizure itself? I was very disorientated for many hours after the seizure. It happened sometime between 7 & 7.30pm but I have no recollection of anything until after 10pm when I "came round" and was complaining of heart and back pain. The crash cart was still there and they were doing an ECG. I asked the nurse to call my husband and she told him I had experienced a "panic attack". I remember that clearly, she then said to me "oh good you are with it, now I can go home", my PM had them administer Valium and sleeping meds and I recall nothing else until my PM came to see me shortly after the blood patch and I said the headache had gone. In December when I had the next big seizure I have a vague idea the headache had again disappeared, but once again I was disorientated. My friend had taken me to the hospital and then my sister and husband turned up. I have no idea how she got home from the hospital, nor who took me home or how my car got home?

I just wish the headache would go, it is unrelenting and it worsens with the persistent thoracic region spasms. I find myself with my shoulders up around my ears and I'm consciously telling myself to lower my shoulders and relax. This life, I'm totally over it. So many things I want to do, I want to paint the toilets, laundry and bathrooms, I want to sew and make 3 "Laura Ashley" patterned 5 old pillow holders that fold out and form a sort of cushioned bed lounge seat for the children to sit on when at my mothers so they don't ruin her good settee with food grubby hands. (The kids are 2, 6 & 12) very well behaved one on one but the 2 & 6 yr old together refuse to behave well. I want to oil the deck and outside furniture, I want to walk my dogs and I want to return to work. None of this I can do, but only 2 years ago despite suffering constant back pain, I could do those things. I lived a full life and refuse to believe I can't do these things again.

I do wonder if it's true, have a seizure and the headache will go away? I realise now I've been having little seizures for years but they were never recognised. I would have these moments where I "lost time" only a few seconds and the only way I could explain it was as if my brain had slipped sideways in my head, as if it were a skiff bobbing about in the water and suddenly slipping away fast in the breeze and it took a moment or two for the rest of my head to catch up. It happened most often at work, (no surprise there, I worked up to 70 or 80 hours a week) it happened once in the car driving into the Milton Keynes car park and on rare occasions when at home. If I were standing or sitting, I would often find myself flinging both my arms out to either side to get my balance as if I were falling, often accompanied by a cry from me "wooh"

All my working life I used to say, "oh it would be lovely to not have to work" now all I say is "oh it would be lovely to go to work".