I'm scheduled to see my NS this coming Monday14th, woohoo, I'm so excited that they fit me in and I may finally be able to get some answers to my troubling questions regarding whether or not I need another fusion for the lumbar region and/or will a Boston paddle be implanted to enable pain treatment for the lumbar, thoracic, cervical and the left arm/hand burning tingling pain that the existing SCS one lead does not cover.

However, I have a question, if, the lumbar fusion doesn't happen and the Boston paddle doesn't happen should I start a dialogue with my doctors regarding methadone? This was raised with me back in 2008 by my then GP who was retiring that year and who openly admitted he just didn't know what to do next in order to treat me. At that time, instead of my left arm the burning tingling was in my right arm/hand, the pain was so bad I was trying to lay my forearm and palm on flat cool surfaces at every opportunity and shaking of the hand to try and relieve the pain, I have always thought the arm pain stems from the cervical injury incurred in the car accident 2004. Anyhow, he suggested methadone and I recall was absolutely horrified, in my then ignorance, I thought methadone was a treatment for "drug addicts" and I thought OMG he doesn't believe I'm in pain, he thinks I'm an opioid drug seeking patient.....

Fast forward 6 years and I have come to learn methadone is cheaper than OxyContin, has less side effects including that of less constipation and apparently less addictive... Not that I'm addicted to oxy, I hate it, I hate the way it makes me behave, my voice gets louder, I'm far less tolerant of loved ones, I'm impatient and I'm sure I come over as overbearing, none of which I used to be. I used to be quietly competent, the professional caring family member everyone came to for advice and support. Don't get me wrong. The emotional and financial bank of Pam and Lyndon is well and truly closed and probably long overdue, but, I would like to have my old self back again, the one that could do things when it occurs to me, not when my pain meds have kicked in enough to mask the pain, or worse, made me feel invincible and able to scale tall buildings prompting me to do way too much and suffer the consequences the following day....

Should I consider methadone? How do I raise the subject? I'm asking because now since the failed back surgery of last year and the equally unsuccessful SCS implant my med intake has been increased to 80mg slow release oxy and up to 30mg oxy break through pain. That's up to 120mg a day and recently Valium added to the mix of up to 15mg a day. I persistently continue to take only 20mg OxyContin slow release and on occasions like today will take 40mg. I get up at 4am, take 20mg oxycontin with a cup of tea about 20 min later and if necessary will take a 2nd 20mg OxyContin slow release at about 11am. I find by 4pm the headache has chimed in so much I need the Valium and take 5mg and sometimes need another by 8pm. I take valdoxan 25mg and 7.5mg serequel at the same time every evening together with the additional Valium and look forward to that moment when I can no longer hold my eyes open as sleep takes over and the pain abates for that short period before I begin my broken sleep pattern. I try very much to avoid the oxynorm and will only take it if absolutely necessary and I'm out where people can see that I'm in pain. This means I'm on a roller coaster trying to manage my dodgy bowel with "make you go" movicol sachets as I'm desperate to avoid yet another bowel obstruction, I just can't face another of them and I'm terrified I'm going to end up with a perforated bowel one day. Having had one in 2001 it was not pretty and I never want to experience that again. I know that I really do need to take the full prescribed dosage, I know if I did, my pain would be far more tolerable, but I'm so frightened of the consequences of increased consumption, where and when does or can it stop.... On this high dose, well high for me anyway, I will never be able to return to the workforce, I'm only 52, I have so much more to offer, but on that level medication I won't drive a car and the job I used to do calls for a clear and rational head. Will methadone offer me the answer?

So thoughts my wonderful NT friends and fellow sufferers, what to do?