You know you are never alone, we are here. We totally understand the suffering.

My only advice is to let the flood gates open and stop trying to hold back the tears. Crying is a release the body needs. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself, and the life you should be enjoying having been tainted, destroyed, invaded by this pain.

I too often reach that point whereby I wonder how much more i can take before having a breakdown. there is a limit to what one person can take. It's not fair.

There will be better days. Warm, generous hugs.