I hear ya, Roads, and I feel your anguish as well.

As you say, the job, the working kept you going, it was something you were good at and could feel good, confident in your life, in your being.
Having such place of belonging is so vital and necessary to us.

I can so well relate with your losses and the struggles you are now trying to cope with daily.
These are tremendous losses we both are enduring now.
I also have garnered unwittingly in the past year a new label of bipolar II.
I don't have mood swings and I don't 'cycle', so I am dubious, while I take their foul meds which are wreaking havoc on my physical well being.

I wish I had answers to your appeal for help. If you are as depressed as I imagine you may be, considering, then I would direct your attention to the recent ketamine nasal spray studies. I would imagine there to be clinical trials in the Bay Area.

I just wanted to reach out to someone who seems in a different yet similar boat as I!
It's so darn lonely to be so alone at this age!