Cat, I am so sorry. There are no words to tell you as I know because there are no words I myself want to hear. I have been on a couch for 2 weeks unable to be up for more than 15 minutes on my feet. I have all your feelings and thoughts and no answers. But I understand your need to come somewhere safe and put to words your feelings that you can't say out loud to loved ones.
Praying for all of us, even when it feels useless.