I have the very same thoughts, feelings and pain. I am about to have surgery that my doctors tell me is very risky and will in no way improve my condition and may even take my life. However I can't just sit here and not try anything. What if it does work, my life will be changed and I can enjoy it instead of being consumed by this. I was working my way up in my career and it has come to a complete halt. Spent ten years in school and they money it took, all for nothing at this point. Sucks. I can offer no comfort other than your not alone.