I have degenerating vertebrae in my neck and lower back (lumbar) area. The disks are cracking, disintegrating, and fracturing and now have collapsed in and press against my spinal cord. Acupuncture, massage, and spinal/cranial manipulation worked wonders for a couple decades, but now I'm in constant pain. I work with death with dignity groups, because I do believe in more pain than doctors can relieve without destroying quality of life.
I can't tolerate pain meds, so I've worked with an amazing nurse practioner in pain management. Yoga, meditation, acupressure, TNS therapy combined with heat and cold, music and water therapy has made life tolerable ... one day (or hour) at a time.
She taught me coping skills, and except for the TNS unit I can work anytime, anyplace. I'm trying to get a professional unit through Medicare.
I also have a therapy cat, most people have dogs. Service dogs can help too, depending on your needs.
Stay in the present. If you need to vent, come on here and write till the anger's out. Do NOT hold it in. Collect what brings even a few minutes of joy--a song, a film, a photograph, a memory (write in down and add to it as you remember details.)
Look at the stages of grief (somewhere on this website or the Internet) or any 12-step program. You need to move on, and these programs show some ways some people can do that.
I lost my job because a new boss who came onboard decided I was too sick (you couldn't say old, and I hadn't missed work much--had 42 days if accumulated sick time). She bullied and lied to me until I quit. That's the worst thing that's happened ... I feel ten times worst now that I have no job to go to. I do some volunteer work, but it's not the same.
Keep searching and keep after the medical world for cutting edge stuff. I hear of several PN research & med tests every few months.
I'm glad you're here & hope you get some helpful suggestions. Take best care.
Roads