I just want to say I understand everything you are saying, for months and months I can be in such a deep depression I think of ways to do myself in as the pain of being awake/alive is too, too painful, feels like torture.

What stops me is my family, thinking of them, otherwise....

I have cervical spine problems, have been in horrendous agony, pain in neck, back, left arm/fingers, have to sit with warm bean bag contraptions around my neck and on my arm/fingers.

Pain/numbness is now in my left leg and ankle/foot.

I can go days and days in, as I call it, la la land, feel pretty positive, well as much as I can be then....kaboom, here come those feelings.

The thought that I may have to live with pain for the rest of my life, when I have always been such an active person, almost does me in and I bawl my eyes out.

Just want you to know I understand, you are not alone, peace....