Erin,

Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and put everything else aside, so that we can just concentrate on therapy and getting well.
Speaking from first hand experience and recalling what it took to recover after a severe, multi-symptom relapse that started in 2000 and lasted well into 2002, at times, it may seem to be the hardest thing that you will ever do. Speaking again from experience, it is well worth giving it everything you have when it comes to intense physiotherapy programs.

That means preparing things so that you will not be distracted by them once you are engaging the program (you probably won't have the energy to do so). Take care of as much as you can before hand, and prepare as you would, before going away on an extended vacation.

For me (I found out the hard way), it meant a restricted social life, few entertainments and arranging for a whole lot of support from family and friends. I needed all of that and some other forms of therapy as well, including psychotherapy, to get through it; because at times, I was certain that I could not do another day...at least not without trying to attack the PT .

Your doctor may not have said so, but intense PT programs are recommended as a "last ditch effort" to regain what has been lost...because the window of opportunity to accomplish that is closing.

When it was recommended for me, I was told that if I didn't get my leg and hip strength back and relearn how to walk right then, that I would never be able to do it. Hearing that scared the heck out of me and as I lay in bed, unable to move my legs much because of transverse myelitis, I cried a river of tears. Then I cursed at my legs and signed onto the program, not knowing that river would lead to the seeming ocean of tears that I cried during the program.

While I went through the program, I think that I experienced every negative emotion that humans are capable of; including resentment, hatred, loathing and a lot of it was directed toward myself and my body. At times, it seemed that there was no end to the frustration, torture and pain and many times I simply gave up. My PT would leave me to cry myself out then, only to return a short time later to begin again. I hated him...but I also loved him.
I did get through it but it took me 6 months of daily PT, first in hospital, then at a PT clinic and on my own at home, before I could walk without too much of a limp.

A few years later, I ran into my PT at a therapist's conference and we had a good chat. It was...I still get choked up about this...great to give him a big hug, to truly thank him and to tell him that I understood why he left me to cry myself out during those times when I had given up.

You see, by then I had been given the opportunity to be in his shoes with one of my own patients who was recovering from a devastating car accident. She had given up in a fit of rage and had collapsed in tears when I had pushed her to keep on trying. It broke my heart and I had to leave her, for I too was crying and I felt that she would truly give up if she saw me in that state as well...and so we both cried ourselves out in private.

I tell you this because if you do decide to dedicate yourself to an intense PT program, only to find yourself in such a state, please know that you may not be the only one who may be experiencing what you are at that point. In sharing this experience with family and friends as well as my PT, I learned that many of them had suffered right along with me, and that they had hidden it; all so that I wouldn't give up. Thinking back, had I known that then, I think that I would have fought harder to keep on trying than I did sometimes.

I really hope that you will go ahead with the program and I pray that you will find the strength to dedicate yourself fully to it. Your family needs you to be as well as you can be and I know that there are a whole lot of people here rooting for you to attain your goals as well.

If you go ahead with it, please come here as often as you can for support and so that we can celebrate your victories with you; no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to others. There are many here who I'm sure have been through some pretty tough PT programs and the rough experiences that this stupid disease doles out, so we can understand how you might be feeling.
I for one will fully support you in any way that I can, even though I may secretly cry right along with you .

You can do this!
Please go for it.

With much love, Erika