Don't I wish!!

Okay, here goes...

Stick his legs in buckets of ice cubes, then stick a catheter in his arm and insist that he has to come in for three days and have a really yucky substance dripped into his veins that may or may not make him feel a little better, but almost surely will cause him to a) get no sleep, b) make food taste awful, c) bloat him up, d) make him irritable, and e) give him hives.

Then, have him begin choking on pills, food, and even his own saliva.

Finally, make him totally uninterested in sex (oy vey!).