Well im back. Things have been slowly but surely looking up. The good days are also greatly outweighing the bad days. Im still getting headaches, but most are minor. At least once a day though I get a headache that stops me dead in my tracks. The dizzyness is all but gone as well, and I can finally focus! But, theres always a but!!

Ive been doing some physical activity in my yard that mimics my job duties. Wow, talk about a game changer. Literally 20 minutes into raking the thatch out of my lawn and I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. Head was throbbing. Its weird though, because Ive been going for walks daily and no issues at all. Im going to attempt to cut the grass tomorrow and see how that goes.

Im also slowly accepting the fact that I will not be the same for a long time, if not ever. Social interaction? Nope, I loathe the idea. Hang out with friends? Nope, hate it now. All stuff I used to love. Heck, I find myself just staring off into space half the time and checking the clock just to pass time.
I mean I really really want to go back to work, but I honestly dont know what the deal is at this point. When I went to the specialist last month he said this month would probably be it for me. Guess we will find out as I go the 28th. I just dont know what he nor work will have to say. I already know im not going to be the same hard, ball of energy go go go worker as I was before. Just a tough realization knowing that im now a changed person, and not knowing if ill ever be that old person again.

Oh and one last venting point. Being the fact that ive literally done nothing since January, even though I lost 30 lbs, i look like complete crap. All those years of hard work in the gym only to lose almost all of my gains. That hurts the most, because im to afraid to work out like I used to.