Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenfriend
Your mother either loves you,or she doesn't. My sister,and I were talking about this the other day. My sister was filled with love for her two daughters when they were born.
My sister,and I didn't have this. We have talked about this subject,and we have tried to understand what was going on with our parents. We came to a conclusion that our mother didn't love us. Our dad didn't love us very much.
I wonder what it was like to be loved from birth by my mother. I hear that I was not fed my mothers milk. I drank cows milk. I have terrible allergies probably from that milking process when I was a baby.
My sister LOOOVVVEEESSS her daughters. BF  |
Steve, it's complicated.
I can share with you a family that is dear to me. The mom was a perfect housewife, dressed nice, sold Tupperware, reared her kids in the 70's, so kind, nice, intelligent.
No mental health, or alcohol problems, but she could not bond with her boys rearing them. Not that I was aware of nor did she admitt any, I never saw it....she looked like a Betty Crocker type.
She always found it difficult, showing emotion, freely expressing, doting. Nurturing she provided, but always felt she let them down on the love end. She loved her children, but could never really bond and free express the love as she could not generate it in her heart.
It came shortly after birth, a chemical change with the postpartum depression, baby blues. Some women get it hard, life altering, others may have a few weepy days, or none.
But for the women that have it bad, it's out of their control. They certainly wouldn't have a second child if they disliked having children, I would think.
Don't feel you weren't loved, but it just failed to reach you from her heart openly.
As far as breast feeding, by the 50's the bottles freed up moms. Wow, when you breast feed it is often the child will not stay with a sitter or take a bottle so until the free love generation in the 70's many Moms did not nurse. My mom used plat ex nursery with us.
(I don't tell many, but my last one was a ridiculous 2+ Yrs old when I weaned her. She has milk, lactose and allergies. One day she asked if she could nurse after my knee surgery as I couldn't nurse post op. I told her if you are old enough to ask and reason about it NO WAY!. I was a human pacifier with an appendage hanging off me, lol.)
Never know how the decisions we make will affect our kids.
Oh, the dad's of my generation never were hands on and Lovey openly like now a days. My dad was a provider, he drank at night in his recliner. We jumped on him all six of us when he finally got home at night. Poured his beer, sipped a lick of froth, cut pepperoni, etc. he never laid a hand on us, but I don't remember one kiss, we sat on his lap, swimming in the lake he gave us rides on his back, we never said love you (we did when he was diagx with cancer and I would be going home, that was odd for me, but dad just didn't do hugs and love growing up)
But Dad my children, that was a whole different ball park! Unconditional love, hugs, measure their height each birthday, holiday shopping, special treats, and lots of hugs and bounces.
Once dear dad took my younger son up in a small prop airplane up along the river with his last $15.00.
The man said it was $10 a piece he asked the fella to just take my son, ant 8 yrs old up....because as they drove by my son thought that was a good idea. The man took them both up for the $15. They went up in this plane no bigger than a crop duster.(scare me to death when I heard)
I think all the stress and anxiety of parenthood goes away with the grandchildren.
Hugs,
Di