dear Casey
please don't give up
please do not let the pain
the "monster pain"
the pain of no return
my heart pleads with you
i was just writing how many
have gone in my life
evil lurks
Brother please carry Casey
Father you wake us up
every morning
sometimes waiting for the sun
to rise because the pain
robbed me of sleep
your pain so great you yearn
to go home
given what you can handle
you just so tired of it all
i know i have been there
it is a place you must have faith
it is the way it is
we can in our faith
this you must not let go of
and you may think to yourself
she has no clue what i'm going
through
trust me i know
i can only pray i can offer
my own experience strength and hope
i cried for a long time to let me
just not wake
i have all these pills
i have to take the rest of my life
a recovering alcoholic twenty three
years i don't count
just know the obsession is lifted
by the grace of God
and to now be a physician induced
addict because of the meds i take
and my pain is never under a five
and to be in such a bad day
you would think i would be entertaining
my meds
never this is where i feel robbed of
my sobriety i worked darn hard for
still make meetings
but my point
it would be so much easier to pick up
a drink
so much cheaper to kill that "monster pain"
i am worried and concerned about your spiritual pain
i beg
i am imploring
please hang on
in addition to my physical pain
my spiritual pain was being robbed
first by my pain
inability to work
basically not the person i was almost 4 years now
my feelings were magnified by a antidepressant
called Lexpro was on Prozac
had to switch meds because it interfered with my
Tamoxifen cancer meds found the lump trying to
recoupe from second cervical neck failure to fuse
the first time having to have the second one that
has left me in worse shape having the pain before
any surgery
now two specialist afterwards said
they would not do any surgery because there
are so many things going on
all this aside
going through menopausal changes
extreme hormonal
i called it
"the perfect storm"
left on my bed
begging to please please
bring me home Father

not yet
he has me wake still
and i now still thank him
for another day

i would ask you please
talk to someone
please reach out to
our Father
his son Jesus Christ
no one can deny a man
call Jesus who left us with so much
a good kind man
taught us to love on another
i cannot imagine the pain
Mother Mary went through
as i am a mother of four
and a grandmother of one
she will be three soon
she has been my angel
in disguise
and this place that has helped me
stay together
keeping up the faith for mine
was no more
until i understood
it be something from my genetic
make-up
my sister two years younger
a father an amputee at his prime
early twenties
had me at twenty nine
there is a way to help cope
with the monster pain
not let it take your SPIRIT
your angels do call upon
loved ones who have passed
to help you
in spirit do not let go
do not let the devil win this
terrible sometimes invisible
pain and there be no person
who dares to say it's in your head
we have no choice in this one
i have opened up to be receptive
to humanly no other explanation
other than divine intervention
ask for it see it speaking from experience
please hold on please in the name of Jesus
please hold on know I care
me