Hi danos

As the others have said, well done for caring enough to join here and try to help your wife. Life can be very complicated, and I'm glad that no matter what else, you are committed to both her and her struggles.

Having long term health problems is always hard, and I think most partners, including my husband bless his little socks lol, would say that it's terrible to watch someone you love struggling but to be ale to do so little to help. You can't protect them from everything or they have no life, but if they are doing stuff their health means it is going to be difficult and throw up problems for them and you.

As a CRPS gal myself, I'd say that the biggest and best thing you can do for her is to learn as much as you can about CRPS (and the others). Don't lecture her with your new knowledge, or dazzle her with facts, or correct her (I'm sure you wouldn't), but then when she talks about it, you know what she is referring to and can understand. The worst thing about this at times is struggling but knowing that you can't even begin to explain it to someone because they will just look blank or unconvinced.... Make sure she knows you have researched it, but don't ever try to tell her what she is feeling!

Also, those little things already referred to. Ahh yes. Every morning, my husband brings me a cup of tea before I get up. He knows that I can't just leap out of bed, and that I use that cuppa to take my first tablet and generally prepare myself for the fun day ahead lol. The fact that he does this makes me smile every morning and soooooo helps my mood start off right. I just feel he's got my back, and understands. Worth gold. Also, if I'm feeling rough, he'll offer to make tea, instead of just asking what we're having. He tried not to huff if I suddenly have to sit down and he has to take over cooking duties. All these things I appreciate beyond measure, and I value him all the more for it. He's not perfect by a long chalk, but we're getting there, and overall have a good balance.

The other important thing is that he doesn't baby me. I work when I can, and he will always assume I am doing something unless I tell him I'm not. So if I am booked to work, he won't offer me an excuse to get out of it, because he knows that I want to do it as much as possible. It's a tricky balance, trying to do as much as you can, but knowing that sometimes the sensible thing to do is to back out of a commitment, social or work. I hate letting people down, but I've learnt to do it as little as possible by making reasonable commitments, and he helps me to keep my commitments, rather than asking me if I'm too poorly to do something. He knows I'll tell him if I can't do it.

It all hinges on communication, which is hard if your wife is withdrawn. She will need to talk, as sikence and pain domt help each other, and she probably has a hundred doubts and fears, but maybe doesn't feel she can open up yet. If she feels secure and able to, she might start opening up more with time. All you can do is be there for her, and be consistent, so that she knows she can trust you to be there tomorrow and tomorrow

Relationships are hard enough without something like CRPS. But you can get there and still have a good partnership. It takes time to learn how to balance things all over again. Maybe counselling might be a thought? We had some last year, and it was the best thing we've done. Really helped us both understand where the other is coming from.

Anyways. The folk here know about my wordiness lol, but you're new and I apologise for the ramble!!!

Good luck and keep talking. It'll get better.

Bram.