((((((Mari)))))),
Yeah, that's the hard part about turning off the 'ice' -- you get to FEEL, but you feel EVERYTHING.
It's harder. But, it's better TO FEEL than not to feel.
Close, loving relationships deserve tears when they've ended. You were very lucky to have her in your life. Now, you've got to pass on the gift that you were given.
Hugs.
Barb