Eva, I read your posts and the pain you face unimaginable, yet there it is in black and white. How is it you could be served with more than your fair share of the pie.
I know it's frightening to have read up on all that you have, I hear you lamenting that you did, yet I too would do the same. We are not women who sit idly by waiting for what may pass our way. Better to be prepared, better to know what needs to be done to live what life we have to the full in the time that we have, better to safeguard the future of those who will always know what you have done for them and better to pray for the miracle that may come, all this rather than be taken unawares.
We, your NT family are with you, say what you must, rant when you need and cry without fear. We are here for you every step of the way, painful as it will be for you, we will still live on in hope and in awe of all that you have achieved. I say we because I know it will be more than just me.