Father
Brother
Mother Mary

thank you for another day

going to bed crying
waking up crying
is not a good thing
to work myself up is senseless
yet there still are no definitive
answer yet
i have a hard time as it is
yet i want to educate myself
so in the company of my doctor
i have an understanding of what
he is saying
this is what i do
try to get as much information
about my diagnosis this past January
i want so badly for the pain i feel in my lumbar
area that is active
not be the worse case scenario
secondary cancer of the bone
primary my breast cancer
crying crying crying just increases
all the bad things that are happening
to have two surgeon tell me
will not do surgery
"to many things are going on"
OKAY
what the blank does that mean
here now a doctor has taken me on as
a new patient not brushing off my diagnosis
Father help him show him what must be done
"i am a very interesting case"
he will not stop
this means the world to me
i do not want to be a burden
nor do i want to die prematurely
oh what a horrible feeling this is
it is so hard to sit idle and wonder

Father
i lack happiness
i don't mean my children
or grandchild all are my joy
but the happiness that shows on my face
not the frown sadness unknown fear
all poison
it is recommended i entertain the pool
something we already do
and it does do wonders
looking forward to it
your Love should be enough
i need help
i must find happiness
if i continue to feel as i do
i bring everyone else down
hence isolation
in my room
wondering wondering
what next
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
AMEN!