Thanks for all the responses. Sorry for this belated response, it's pretty emotionally trying to think about and discuss this whole situation in depth and I spend a good deal of time trying to distract myself from acknowledging it... Probably won't reply to everybody at great length as I don't really have the stamina to coherently do so...

I guess this was more about letting off steam than genuinely thinking there was much to this, as it's such a very area. Even if the situation were cut and dry I doubt I'd have the emotional wherewithal or financial means to pursue it.

Edit: aaaargh, I just wrote a pretty lengthy response here but of course I'd been logged out or somethinf by the time I went to post it, what the heck is with Vbulletin... I'll type it up again later once my brain has recharged...