Hi, I am a spouse also going through it, the cycle has just begun again with a recent relapse and we are at the denial stage. Or maybe it's me that's in the denial stage. I just don't know anymore, 23 years of marriage and each year getting progressively worse.

I tried Alenon when we lived in the UK, it just didn't work for me? Or maybe I thought it would be something else? It comprised of a large group of people who sat round a table and each in turn shared what their day was that day. Really what I wanted was hints on how to cope, what can be said and not be said, tips on identifying triggers and how to approach certain subjects. All I got told was you can't do it, just leave. Well I did that, I left for 10 months, and I was clear my leaving was to save our marriage which it did and the drinking issue became a thing of the past.
Now I'm in a situation where I'm ill and leaving is not an option for me, I can no longer work and will need more major surgery within the next 3 months (another spine operation) and then there is the 12 week recovery. I very much love my husband, I accept I may be seen as someone who is selfish and minimising his pain and putting my needs first, and that's just the way it is, and why we are in this situation. In the past, I have been well enough and strong enough to handle all the angst that comes with living with an alcoholic and in my strength I was able to devote time to his needs. Now I can't and it is no small coincidence that as my health has declined he has become more needy and turned to alcohol as his answer. I just want some ideas and on plans to put in place to help him as I get worse. Last year he had a bad fall and taken to hospital with a head injury. We have had wet beds, wet lounge, wet floor stories all of which I know I am not alone with. Last week he had another bad fall and has potentially fractured his ankle but won't go get it checked out. The bruising is fading and along with it the memory it was caused through drink. So the week long abstinence broken last night. I can deal with the drinking in the house, it's controllable for him and he won't go out to get more so a 6 pack is the most. It's the when he goes out that is the problem, the bender is only 1 breath away. None of the family are able to help they live elsewhere and in their culture there is no harm in being falling down drunk.

I wish there were adult pull ups like their are for children and then we would have no more wet accidents... There is no violence just the verbal put downs which I now can block out thanks to medication, if I'm asleep there are no arguments.

I'm sorry to sound Whiney, I don't mean to be. I'm just looking for some suggestions. Please know, I am well aware I am not his saviour, I can't help him to stop and he can only stop for himself not anyone else.