I'm sorry to read that both of you have been mistreated by your doctors. It's very difficult to find a doctor who will spend time with each patient and discuss alternatives, too.

If I were in your position, knowing what I know now (post ACDF surgery), I'd get as much information about my condition as I could. Have you had an MRI? I'd try to get consultations with two different neurosurgeons to learn all of the treatment options, their approaches, and their own patient outcomes (successes, complications, etc.). No one is perfect and every surgery has its risk, but you want someone who knows how to reduce risk and address any complications that might arise. Also review the hospital they operate out of.

The fact that your pain is spreading is of concern. I'd get that consultation sooner rather than later.

Best wishes to both of you.