I think what embarrassed me more than anything about my appearance is just looking sloppy and/or fat.

I was trim before the accident, and wore beautiful clothing that I could buy because I was able to manage going to the sales.

Then because of the accident I gained a lot of weight and couldn't afford the same brand of clothing anymore unless I could manage going to the blow-outs which I totally couldn't do anymore! I was unable to drive self to the outlets and they didn't even sell clothing in the size that I became.

Wearing sunglasses inside didn't bother me a bit. People wear sunglasses all the time inside - migraines, hangovers, eye problems, all sorts of things can make a person wear sunglasses inside.

But we all have different triggers and sensitivities and insecurities and I think TBI has a way of getting to all of us in these very foundational and unsettling ways…

It was also very embarrassing for me to have slurred, stuttering or slow speech. Also the tbi made me sound like I had an accent. It would also change the tone of my voice so that the meaning of what I was saying was perceived differently than I had intended - that was all very embarrassing too.

But it's been 4 years for me since the accident and I feel more secure now than I ever have in my life! But I've improved a good deal...

I'm still unable to buy the brands of clothing that I love… and I'm still overweight. But it doesn't matter anymore to me. My outward appearance doesn't define who I am. (Even though I live in LA and work in a very superficial field… so others can judge and I just have to shrug… they can jump off a bridge is what I think most of the time about it nowadays.)

But in a very odd and unpleasant way, the tbi has helped me to love myself for just being me.

It's not a permanent feeling but it's a general feeling that I enjoy most of the time - I was recently exhausted which actually created a lot of insecure feelings and even paranoid thoughts which was really weird but interesting to learn that now that's what happens to me if I don't get enough rest. I thought it might be a hormonal thing, but it went away after one night of good sleep! (Someone was very confrontational with me and then posted an invalid 3 day eviction notice to my front door on Friday and it was so very stressful that it caused me to lose a lot of sleep. The place I rent was recently sold in a foreclosure auction and so we have a new landlord - I'm very unhappy about it and the new landlord's behavior thus far.)

Anywho - I can relate to what you are saying and I would bet that most of us posting here can too.

It was embarrassing to me that I couldn't work for so long! That I needed help getting dressed in the morning and taking a shower!

I feel your pain.