OK, feel free to ask me anything you want! I may not be of any help, but I won't get embarrassed or think ill of you.

First off, nobody should have to go thru what you're describing, and some dr somewhere should be able to help! A healthy sex life is VERY important to a marriage, even if it's just mutually agreed upon affection. Your female neuro (and I speak as a Baptist myself!) will not judge you for wanting to be able to enjoy intimacy with your husband. I have generally found female drs much more sympathetic to "female" issues - as I told my DH, I don't care how good of an OB/GYN he is, a male dr can NEVER say, "I know exactly how you feel!"

So, from what I'm reading, your orgasm sets off intense full-body muscle spasms? Is it like muscle cramps? Or more like nerve pain? Have you tried Valium? Since you mention that alcohol seems to help, the valium might do some good. It works as a muscle relaxer. Is there any other activity that sets off the same sort of reaction?

If your neuro is not enough help, you might consider a urologist, OB/GYN, or even a psychiatrist. I'm not suggesting you're crazy -psychiatrists know a lot about the nervous system and how different drugs affect it. Mine has been a Godsend.

Don't give up! When it all comes down to what's important in life, laundry and grocery shopping are way down on the priority list from connecting with your husband.

Feel free to PM me if you want!