I know our battle is tough. A big portion of it is that we all seem to lose our social lifes, and are afraid of going out into those situations because of the pain we endure. I had a wedding to attend yesterday, a close family friend, was no way of getting out of it. BAD IDEA.

Ive never experienced a headache this bad in my life, on top of the constant zoning out and random body parts moving that I had no control over. I spent about 85% of the wedding (was only there for 3 hours) either sitting outside, or sitting in my wifes car.

Im not sure if it was all the loud noise, all the people/commotion or all the flashing lights. But it was like I was being tortured. I honestly dont remember hardly any of it.

Then to top it all off, I get home, where im hoping for peace and quiet, but no the people the next street over are setting off fireworks like its going out of style. I literally laid there in bed, frozen, couldnt move for about 4-5 minutes. I tried to open my mouth to yell for my wife, but couldnt, couldnt even reach for my phone. Finally I was able to snap out of it, and here I am awake this morning.

How do we avoid these mistakes? I miss my social life, I miss interactions, its been 7 months, and I can still barely go to a cookout for more than an hour or two. And usually when I do make it that long, im not around the others, im hiding. Its embarrassing. At least at the cookouts everyone knows my deal and whats up and are very understanding. But at the wedding last night, I was asked multiple times if I were ok by complete strangers, and my head just hurt to much to even open my mouth.

At this stage of the game, I wonder what is going on that is still causing this. Im not going to lie, ive put myself into a lot of social interactions over these 7 months, and none of them have succeeded, so its not for the lack of trying.

Beyond frustrated, and sorry if this post is all over the place, I cant even get a proper train of thought going right now.