I was diagnosed as a teen
Not many problems till my late 20s and it hit me like a train
I went out of state to a specialize in this o you have had fibro chronic pain chronic fatigue you whole life
Good or bad im not sure explains always sore but otc took care of it back then
But I could never build up like others got used to and worked in to jobs I never could over 100 plus jobs
Fam jobs lazy worthless not trying
So began the sick game of the more pain must mean less lazy
One job a 500 plus pound spot wielder on a overhead crane
One day crane broke ripped my arm out and elbow
I finished my shift
A gym teacher once taught us by kicking our well and saying ***** take it like a man
So many jobs so many story sod damage on damage alarm officer shot stabbed and hit on highway helping broke down by a drunk his door and mirror nailed me I went to work
Now my 30s sleep apnea I don’t get pain reduction or new energy often more pain
I had 3 very bad accidents the worst a kid pulled from a cross street were doing 60 on highway nails side
Forget how many spins
The couple years later waiting in line for a car to turn a chick rear ends us over 45 mph no brakes
My local fire screwed up supposed to flex door and slide board under me
Nope about a hand from me drug me on my lower bad grind then slip
I had lower back problems forever 30 chiros all pointed to it
My current chiro finally found what I was looking for a good chiro
He said hard to describe fubr moves to much
My whole life I hide in a corner if pain got to much wimp men don’t show or whimper
Well that rear-end I surprised my wife the names cussing and grunts
Then the er doc was one I had fought with before no drugs
My 40s 10 is a joke my counselor said it best there scale is below yours
I dream of a 9 or 10
I cant take this hidden hell druggie abuser cut off lists passed to all hospitals
My er had security throw me out because I asked doc to sign refuse to treat as under patient rights crap
They threw me out cant go back
The names the labels the laughing
Because adhd martial arts and the sick game from jobs
I sit and smile till I pass out they think fine but its not its unbearable do something stupid hell inside
Its challenges hills fights and im starting to loose
And boxing is winning to I just lost my IT band ER doc says carpal tunnel and damage pt may help or manage no it don’t I tried
It started in my thigh its like a giant knife stabbed deep and left
Stairs getting up from a chair car so much hell I see stars and have to scream or cuss
I made noise that embarrassing public is seeing and hearing
I watch people fix my car I know how I watch her do lots of house work
Furnace freezer internet in the basement my leg wont allow it I fell once
Then a knee beaten shot hit etc the IT goes from my thing to the bad knee
I cant walk much without a hinged brace it puts thigh pressure on so I can move a tiny bit extra
Like a whinny child I scream how much more is this funny a joke
Im in prison a hidden hell oxy fent lyrica loosing affect only the very strong controlled delodid
My body wont build a tolerance its worked forever but doc wont give
Thinks oxy will help oxy is candy
O and adhd also body is screwed up I don’t get addiction I have stopped oxy for months at times same with others they cant figure it out
When I go in for test that they put you out they have to get a special one or I wont go out
As a kid and other times in life burns and crap to my hands feeling is gone I know im touching
But what and how it feels I used to break glasses till I got the hang of it I broke it and it didn’t bother me
I have to be told I cut myself when working on stuff
I dream my wife’s silky hair my cat I want to feel
I also have a gland dying in my brain I got migraines I would hide curl up and pass out
Pretty god drugs managing them and how bad when I do get them
Im 40 I cant take it anymore its getting to be to much my wife and cat is all im here for
Then I feel so week and whinny Jesus suffered more I knew a lady from Australia lupus and fibro I read about it lupus basically eats you
Yet positive and dealing
Who am I to whine or wuss out of being active if these and worse our vets
All can yet I watch more and more of my life I can fix that why is he
Yet day after day this hell gets worse im a fighter im stubborn why am I in my recliner
I need to move I have to walk the park the store with her
I feel so weak and worthless so many worse and im loosing my fight
Its so horrible I wish I knew how to cry or scream when I scream for my leg its cuss or a very strange sound I have never learned o know how to express pain just hide it
And with age my jobs my ex-wife boyfriend beating me with a steel bar my child hood
Day week after week like knives they get worse and it keeps trying to win and hold me down
It makes the more I fight more I hurt
Im so ashamed of not being stronger fighting harder maintaining positive all the time
So many worse off if they can why cant I I feel like isolation in prison a closet
They cant see my hell and wont help or believe me because I hide it
My wife’s sisters wedding even with oxy I don’t remember I was there but what was it she said I passed out
I just don’t know anymore I just don’t know with the new IT band on top of it I just cant im loosing and makes me so mad
Im in a invisible hell and running out of help docs and pain killers
The specialist told me he cant help my fibro cant help my migraines
Just out of options my doc pretty much the same out of time and out of help