Never fear, you're not alone in ignoring signs of depression, I am about as guilty as they come. I completely ignore loss of appetite, lethargy, mood swings, and sucuidal/homicidal thoughts. Though I have told my pain mangement doc... One of the first questions he asked after going over my symptoms of pain was 'any suicidal thought?'

My response was 'I just got done telling you my body is quite literally ripping itself apart for reasons completely unknown to the medical community I've been in contact with to date... So you better be asking looking for the response YES! Big time! To ensure my mental health, since that's the response any sane, rational person would give.' Ditto on the depression, going from a bright future ahead as a horse trainer to a glorified bed warmer.

While depression is considered a 'symptom' of a whole host of disorders, I still am of the belief that it's more a side-effect, at least for me. Mine seems mostly situational. Talking about it isn't likely to help, though maybe drugs will work if they fog me up so much that I can't function, or realize how much pain I'm in and how much I'd like to go out and play. So I largely ignore it, I believe I know what it stems from and I set out to alleviate it by accomplishing the things I still can. Going to college had really helped, but the health has taken that away as well.

Okay getting a little off track from what I was going to say, but are you seeing, or have you thought of seeing a pain management doctor? Not a pill-mill one, but one who might have some other ideas, injections, PT, pumps... If you're taking that much Valium and still not finding 'relief' there are medication pumps that inject right into your spinal cord, reducing the amount of oral medication you need to take and that are self timed for release so you never have to worry about missing a dose or being late because you were sleeping or busy.

As with all things there are possible complications, side-effects and the like, but the majority of them are no worse than possible side-effects with taking medication orally.

Also while I know the mayo clinic is often thought to be the 'end all be all' of medicine, if they're not seeming to take you seriously, you might want to see about finding some different doctors,just be sure to get a copy of all your records and any images they've taken. It might take a bit of work but before you let any doctors start ordering more tests, make sure they 'fit' do they listen to you, or seem to focus on only one or two of your complaints, do they allow you to pose questions and answer as best they can even if it means 'I don't know?' Or do they blow you off.

I have found the best place to start is at the office level, if I call does the staff take time to listen to me? If I leave a message do they reply in a timely manner? And asking simple things like, how long is the average first visit? (It really depends on the pt, is an excellent answer) and how many appointment slots are available each day? (I find the best doctors have 10 or less in an 8 hour day, when it comes to specialists. Or better still 'new patient' days/blocks)

It seems to me, that if your current doctors know the medications you are taking can 'throw off' the tests, why wouldnt they ask you to cease taking them? If they're later just going to blame them for anything they see or don't see. Now I know many doctors are able to pick out side effects of medications on the tests and don't always ask you to stop taking them, but if the side-effect they're talking about from the medication is an improvement of the symptom from taking the meds, it should not be discarded out of hand. I would strongly suggest if you remain with the same doctors, knuckling them down and ask them to explain fully and in no uncertain terms why they can't judge your gait because it's improved with medication. Be it MS, MD, or any other disorder out there it's no excuse.