I felt as you did. Really I did. I will be a friend. No one has to be alone to go through all these issues. We all need someone who can understand our sorrow, our pain and loss. Please keep on trucking, there still is the beauty around you if you will open your eyes. I am in my garden a lot, just clipping away. This brings peace. I listen to Reggae music, which can be so uplifting. I read. I do all kinds of things to take my mind from pain. I also came here and stayed to make new friends. This put me on the path to a better frame of mind. When I came here, I was about ready to chuck it in too. It is 5 years later, many of the same issues but in my head I am better. I so much want that to happen for you. Love, Friendship, these are the things that God gives us to help us. This site can help you to be in a better place. So can God. He will call you on his own time. Allow life to unfold. It can and does get better if you choose to go in that direction. Be at peace. ginnie