I researched the disease as well, beforehand, the first time it was mentioned as a probability was ten years ago by my old GP, of course he also threw out some others that were much worse than MS. I guess the best or worst of this disease is that there's not much telling how fast or how far you'll progress.

I seem to be holding steady at a two/three year malfunction, but it's not like a lot of things out there where the doctor can map out your future, I might be completely wheelchair bound tomorrow, or never, blind in six years or six months or have 20/20 for life. But the unknown doesn't frighten me too much since it's the same for could happen, as for not. Removing any mentally automated symptoms, which would have been more of a concern if it was something else. So knowing the doctors and researcher can no more tell me what to expect than a seer can tell me the winning lottery numbers, helps me at least.

I can be as stubborn as I like and force myself to do as much as I want, without having the folks in white coats convincing me I can't, won't, or just give up. There isn't a cure, but for the same token there isn't really a prognosis, which I find greatly assists my mental state. Of course I haven't started sticking myself yet with meds, that might influence me a bit, but then again I've been a walking pharmacy for the past ten years already so it's just adding one more shot or pill to the mix.

And it's not like I'm trying to be unrealistic either, or overtly optimistic, one thing is certain, I won't be running any marathons again in this lifetime, won't be able to take the backpacking trip across the Appalachians (carrying everything we need for a month's journey on foot), and more than likely won't be training horses, at least by myself anymore. But I should be able to go camping still, might be able to enjoy a short hike, and could potentially train a horse or two with a bit of help. My life isn't over, just different but then it was before the dx...

Now with a dx, at least I know why it changed so much, that I didn't just adopt some defeatist attitude somewhere along the way and suddenly become a lazy whiner. I suspect most of you know or can well imagine the berations I handed myself, not that I think it will stop completely now, but hopefully I will learn my limits and come to accept them. It's strangely liberating, if one can say such a thing about a degenerative disease???