Thanks hockey, unfortunately their insurance is the same as our insurance, the same issue as the last accident I was in. So I really don't want to get involved in another legal dispute even if it means taking the hit for the medical side of things. Already having MS on top of it also makes for a real messy fight sussing out pre-existing from 'accident'.

The biggest issue I'm faced with right now is do I drug the pain, deal with it, or end it all once and for all... The latter is especially tempting right now, not depressed, angry or even particularly 'crazed' ATM, just so so very tired of pain I really didn't need to add to it.

And the pain meds don't do much anyways if previous experiences are anything to go on, even when I was taking morphine the doctors couldn't give me anymore and I think I was in more pain taking it then without at least without I could 'ignore' some of the pain and control it better. Taking it just fogged up the little guy in charge of the pain switch.

I hate feeling like a Shakespearean parody: to drug or not to drug that is the question.... Or my mind quoting him outright: go not softly into that long goodnight...rage, rage against the dying of the light! When I really want it to tell me to find a cliff and fly. Let someone else find my battered skull... "Poor Starz, I knew her well..."

<firmly puts down the Shakespeare, seeks out better reading material >