after a pretty decent streak of improvement/plateau, i woke up with funny eyes/dizzy today. maybe it was those damn eye exercises from my neuro-chiro, or just doing more than usual yesterday, but either way i'm exhausted, depressed, feel like i'll never get well.

i'm lonely and feel like i'm exhausting my friends with this process. i also think i ticked off the one that has been the kindest to me.

grateful there are eyes/ears here that will understand this horrible feeling even if you can't make it better.

3 weeks ago i was crying for hours each day. since then i more or less dried up--cried maybe an hour total each week. today the founts have sprung again.

even just yesterday i was thinking how grateful i was i had gotten through the suicidal thoughts section of the mess i'm in. now i'm back. i'm not going to do anything because there is a seed of faith in me that i will make it out of this--because i catch glimpses of myself and my life from time to time when i come up for air.