i stopped watching the news. Mark is right. It is stressful and there is nothing I can do about it. It wont affect me and I have no kids to worry about.

Not believing in God and not having kids makes this a devastating illness to live with. There are no brighter days coming in this life as there is no real hope in our generation for a "cure".

The darkest before the dawn doesn't apply. I will be sick and childless in this life until I die and cease to exist. The possibility of dementia or Alzheimer's is increased with multiple brain injuries and the possibility of living in the street with a brain injury is for me a possibility.

Grooming has gone out the window and I look like a Wildman with my hair and beard. It can be up to 2 to 4 weeks before I leave my house. Usually to psychiatrist to get pills. I have stopped taking the nonessential pills for blood pressure, cholesterol and dexilant for Barrett's esophagus.

In my dreams I am almost always young, and the long dead are almost always in them. There is hope and youth and possibilities in those dreams and I wake up devastated from them. Last night I closed my eyes tight hoping I was still 15 and this was a terrible dream and a warning to live my life carefully. My life has become a horrifying Twilight Zone episode.

My lifeline is Ambien Xanax and Advil PM with the occasional oxycodone if I get to my old pain management doctor. I had depression before the injuries and as you can see, it is magnified with the injury.

I was 37 and completely healthy besides depression, had a great job, friends and a great family. For some reason I decided to drink with dangerous medications and get my first abi. If there is a God, I will have a lot to answer for.

Certain senior members of this board and I are a contrast. Two ways to approach the injury. I suggest you take theirs. Hopelessness is a terrible and dangerous place to be.