Guys, you are all incredibly kind and spiritual people.
But God is not finding me or I am not finding him.

The devastation of the past is only surmounted by the horrors the future may bring in my life.

I have searched and searched and see no sign of God's plan in this. or his help.
He may well exist. But even If he did, I have a feeling He and I would not see eye to eye and choose to go our own ways.

I have loved God and hated God in the past. Now, the worst of all, I am indifferent to God.

God bless you all for your faith