I've tried to commit suicide twice. the first time was in 2002 when my depression was off the map, so I took a bottle of valium and the thought 'bugger I didn't really want to do that' and called my other half. The second time was very different, I had just got my depression under control, I was working full time and going back to uni to study for my MSc and then I started having problems with my knee. I had to have an op and that led to my crps. I had already been off work about 5 months and I met a friend, had too much wine, had a fight with my husband and just decided I couldn't take it any more. so I took every tablet I could get hold of, including around 60 200mg lithium tablets, about 20 pregabalin, all my antidepressants and god knows what else. Fortunately my body decided it wasn't ready to go and I started throwing up. Technically I shouldn't be here as I had more than enough lithium alone in my system to kill me. Most days I'm very glad that it didn't work and ever since then we've kept my drugs in a locked box that only my husband has the key for. Unfortunately since he got promoted he is generally away at least two nights a week, sometimes more, leaving me with access to more of my medication. I'm ok at the moments, I'm on a pretty even keel, but I have SAD which means that come the dark nights I get down again. I've got no one to talk to about this as they all change the subject when I try and bring it up, anyway thanks for letting me vent! xxxx