Originally Posted by markneil1212

Hockey,
the game is pretty much over. i haven't washed or left the house in nearly three weeks now. i have sores and rashes on my body from not washing and i dont care.

ive used the ambien and xanax and vicoden faster than prescribed and will run short and have been chasing them with Jack Daniels the past 3 days. Besides the occasional shallow breating and palpitatinos, it is a 2-3 hour escape from the mental and physical pain.

i dont even have the strrength to hate the doctor that did most of this to me. funny thing is, with the devastating loss of career seven years ago, gut twisting loss of best friends and family, horrifying vivid dreas and physical pain it's the men problems that devastate me the most.

go figure. men never change. well, i'm not a man anymore. not a person. nobody. nothing. i guess one day i'll mix a few too many pills with too much Jack Daniels and this fight wil be over. In a way I'll finally defeat the damaged neurons becuse they will die with me. I can't belive I was a boxer once. I cant belive i was full of dreams once.

I dont know when i'll be on again. good luck hockey. you are special.