as i type i am finishing my bowl of banana nut crunch. i ate dinner 3 hours ago and then i had a container of edy's dibs (28 grams of fat). i don't know what i am going to do with myself. i can't stop (*&^$@%$@ EATING! my body is so terribly broken out from my blocks and i am just swollen and puffy. i just feel ravenous.

i skipped my block today. told them i was sick. i can't take it anymore. i don't want to take my medicine either. i was 125 pounds when all of this started. i am 150 now. i hit 158 a couple of weeks ago and then lost 10 pounds. now i'm gaining it back.

what sucks is that i have battled eating disorders for a long time. i don't want food to become an obsession again whether i am eating it or ignoring it. what am i supposed to do??!!!!