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Member
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 214
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 214
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I've been finding it difficult to think about what I can learn or how I can grow from experiencing the suffering that goes along with PCS, as it always seems like it's easier to think about these kinds of things with the advantage of hindsight rather than being in the thick of it. I've been lucky to have not experienced real, profound suffering and feelings of despair and hopelessness until dealing with PCS, and I do think that, given I get out of this with my wits about me, I'll have learned more about what it means to be human. Hopefully this will translate into being a kinder, more generous person (not that I wasn't before!).
I can say with certainty that once I'm able to go on a 10 mile run, or read for hours without a problem, or just to feel like myself for a day without this dark cloud over my head all the time I'll appreciate it more deeply than I had before. I generally took pleasure in most of what I did before this whole ordeal, but knowing what it's like to feel like you might never get any of that back will make experiencing the small little joys of life that much sweeter. I try to do this even now, and am somewhat successful, but I just can't shake the cloud that adds a darkness to everything.
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26 year-old PhD student in evolutionary biology, slipped on ice in Feb 2014 while clipping my fingernails and walking to save time (dumbest reason for PCS ever?). Initially just had headaches and didn't feel quite right, but a minor head bump 5 days later started a downward spiral of anxiety, depression, insomnia and fatigue. Had trouble concentrating on reading/looking at screens
April 2014 - did exertion test, passed, started exercising and doing more, but didn't feel much better.
May 2014 - Went on backpacking trip OK'd by doctor, trip itself went fine, but felt worse a few days after getting back, more difficulty concentrating, worse headaches.
June 2014 - Bumped head on ceiling walking slowly down stairs, no immediate symptoms, but caused worsening headahces, more difficulty concentrating and looking at screens. Have not felt as good as I did before this since this bump.
December 2014 - after feeling relatively better I went xc skiing and fell but didn't hit my head (something my psychologist who specializes in brain injuries told me he hoped would happen so I saw it was OK), felt worse
Feb 2015 - back in grad school, light teaching load and some research, nowhere close to operating at my full capacity. Still have constant headaches, difficulty reading/looking at screens, mild anxiety and depression, and just not feeling like my normal sharp self.
Trying, but struggling, to believe that I'll get back to my old self, or at least get close.
Last edited by Laupala; 08-21-2014 at 04:14 PM.
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