Everyday, I wake up around 8:30 and cry. The pain is so unbearable I have to double my med dose just to be able to walk around before noon. The pain meds sadly are not working like they did at the beginning.

My wife I feel just hates me for being sick. She calls home to check on me and I can just hear the disdain in her voice when she asks the me the same question every time she calls, "How are you feeling today?" as if it is going to change and I will have gotten better somehow.

She called home today and caught me in tears crying because that is all I can do anymore. I can barely walk, haven't had a good nights sleep in years. I feel like I am really going crazy, I have never been depressed but I am guessing this is what it is like. And I am sick of doctors looking at me like I am some degenerate looking for pain pills! That makes me sooooo angry.

To think that I might never play music again is cracking my foundation. I pray, I talk to God, I ask him for strength to endure this difficult life. I can't loose my faith, but I feel it slipping away. Notr sure how many of you are Christians, but to the ones that are, please pray for me, and I will pray for you. Thanks for listening. Blessings to you all, hope you have a pain free day! ~Thaydrian