Quote:
Originally Posted by Thaydrian
Everyday, I wake up around 8:30 and cry. The pain is so unbearable I have to double my med dose just to be able to walk around before noon. The pain meds sadly are not working like they did at the beginning.
My wife I feel just hates me for being sick. She calls home to check on me and I can just hear the disdain in her voice when she asks the me the same question every time she calls, "How are you feeling today?" as if it is going to change and I will have gotten better somehow.
She called home today and caught me in tears crying because that is all I can do anymore. I can barely walk, haven't had a good nights sleep in years. I feel like I am really going crazy, I have never been depressed but I am guessing this is what it is like. And I am sick of doctors looking at me like I am some degenerate looking for pain pills! That makes me sooooo angry. 
To think that I might never play music again is cracking my foundation. I pray, I talk to God, I ask him for strength to endure this difficult life. I can't loose my faith, but I feel it slipping away. Notr sure how many of you are Christians, but to the ones that are, please pray for me, and I will pray for you. Thanks for listening. Blessings to you all, hope you have a pain free day! ~Thaydrian |
Hi. I truly empathise with you and have been in your shoes and think everyone has been in that place where enough was more than enough. It could be from neuropathy, back pain, fibro, ms, or any other health issue. In my opinion Your wife is calling & checking on you because she loves you, not because she has disdain for you. You are in a dark place right now but you have a wife and a home and that is something to be grateful for. Don't let this illness rob you of those things. I am sure your wife is scared too because this is happening to both of you. Acknowledge her feelings if you can and thank her for her love and support and remember you are not alone. If you can look into physical therapy, light swimming or anything to get out of house and work on keeping your muscles active and working. Wishing you good health.