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Member
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 214
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 214
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Thanks for the kind words, the kindness and compassion shown on this board in the face of such hardship is truly astounding and such a powerful resource for everyone going through PCS and TBI.
Mark, I know you nor Dr. Gronwald's research have said I'll never recover, and I hope my post didn't suggest I was calling you out or anything like that. I'm just depressed by the notion that I may have to always think about how some activity or some situation might flare up symptoms, and thus limit my life.
I also know that worrying about this, or being depressed about it, isn't helping me get better. I think that thinking about every little thing I'm doing, and whether it's helpful or harmful to recovery is setting me back too. For instance, I've started volunteer coaching at my old HS cross country team since I'm taking a medical leave of absence and want to do something positive other than listening to audiobooks. I've done it for 2 weeks, 3 days a week, and the practices themselves go fine - I feel a bit more like myself, am happy, and don't seem to feel too bad.
But then I get home, and if I maybe feel a little tired or have a slightly worse headache I start to worry that maybe I shouldn't be coaching, and then I get sad thinking about how I can't do so many of the things I love, and worry that this will be this cloud hanging over me for the rest of my life, directing the things I can and can't do. So that's why I find the notion that even after I recover, stress could cause a relapse, so distressing. I just don't want to have to worry about this for the rest of my life.
Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack the thread!
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26 year-old PhD student in evolutionary biology, slipped on ice in Feb 2014 while clipping my fingernails and walking to save time (dumbest reason for PCS ever?). Initially just had headaches and didn't feel quite right, but a minor head bump 5 days later started a downward spiral of anxiety, depression, insomnia and fatigue. Had trouble concentrating on reading/looking at screens
April 2014 - did exertion test, passed, started exercising and doing more, but didn't feel much better.
May 2014 - Went on backpacking trip OK'd by doctor, trip itself went fine, but felt worse a few days after getting back, more difficulty concentrating, worse headaches.
June 2014 - Bumped head on ceiling walking slowly down stairs, no immediate symptoms, but caused worsening headahces, more difficulty concentrating and looking at screens. Have not felt as good as I did before this since this bump.
December 2014 - after feeling relatively better I went xc skiing and fell but didn't hit my head (something my psychologist who specializes in brain injuries told me he hoped would happen so I saw it was OK), felt worse
Feb 2015 - back in grad school, light teaching load and some research, nowhere close to operating at my full capacity. Still have constant headaches, difficulty reading/looking at screens, mild anxiety and depression, and just not feeling like my normal sharp self.
Trying, but struggling, to believe that I'll get back to my old self, or at least get close.
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