Hi Ellie. I am so sorry that you have been the victim of such cruelty. No one deserves to be treated that way. That kind of behavior should not be allowed to continue... whether it is drugs or mental illness or whatever that is causing it. I agree that the tough love response is the right one - not only for yourself but also for your brother.

If I can make a suggestion, why not compose a letter to him and draw those boundaries clearly and firmly - no more money no matter what the story - no more cruel words tolerated - no more meaness. Until HE decides that he wants to change his life and behavior - YOU be the one to cut off the contact. Tell him of your love and - even make it a "goodbye" - then do not allow any more contact unless or until he changes.

Then - go get some therapy and support to stick by your decision and work through the damage that has been inflicted by your family - intentionally or not - it is there.

I lost a brother and a husband to suicide. The circumstances were very different than yours...but I understand "guilt". But - just because I may struggle with it at times.....that doesn't mean that I truely have anything to feel guilty about. People make their choices as does your brother...to be mean...to lie and steal...to hurt others.........and now YOU can make a choice...to no longer be his victim. There is nothing in the world wrong with that and everything right about it so ....any guilt you might feel is false guilt.

Your brother's behavior is self-destrutive....using the threat of suicide to hold you hostage is just one more form of abuse - trust me that your giving in to his demands is not really "saving" him.

Please feel free to come and post here any time. There are many wise and understanding people here. I hope you find peace in this situation.