Hi everyone:

I’ve been away for ages but decided to write just because I needed to say stuff and they (they infamous they) say it’s good to write stuff down. Prepare for a tome. I’m just so sad. I realize I’m the only one this has happened to. (yes that was sarcasm) I guess the best way to detail this is in an ordered bullet point style. (you’re lucky I don’t attach a PowerPoint presentation.
1) I hate my stupid body. In the last 8 years I’ve had 2 brain surgeries for aneurysms, 3 strokes and 5 seizures. And then L3-4 fusion last November. (More on that later.) I cannot stand for a long period of time (a couple of minutes,) falling is my new hobby, walking is a job.

2) As a result of this health crap my company terminated my employment. I was General Counsel and Board Secretary. They made stuff up and just bald faced lied in depositions. I have not worked in 4 years.

3) They said to find an activity I liked, so I started able bodied fencing before this brain crap started. After I became a wheelchair fencer and was on the US Wheelchair fencing team. Fencing is not a cheap sport. I could easily spend $1,000 for a weekend tournament. (airfare, tournament registration, hotel, food) Forget international tournaments. The mandatory low seatback on the chair hit my surgical spot and it hurt a lot the day after. I was ranked #7 in the US when I retired. It was like the old joke, “Doc, it hurts when I do this.” “So don’t do it.” I’ve been an active person my entire life. I played Div I basketball in college.

4) I’m getting tired of my wife’s sniping at me. She is a saint for staying with me all this time. But I’m a victim of, “Well you’re upright and operating, you must be totally cured.” I wish she would at least try to understand it. I know she will never fully understand it the same as I can’t understand her stuff. She hasn’t touched me in 8 years even though the Doctor said it is OK.

5) I grew up on the north shore of Chicago ( Ferris Beuller, Home Alone were filmed in my neighborhoods.) I always wanted to live in a house like the one in which I grew up. Now we are retiring to a mobile home that we are blowing out to the walls and re-doing in a senior park.

6) My Dad would have been 90 tomorrow and even though it’s been 2 years since he passed I miss him so much. Both my Scottish Terriers are on a short leash. One has a carcinoma on her bladder and the other had a mass on his tongue that is metastasizing.

7) All I want to do is sleep so that’s what I do. It makes the day pass. I can sleep for 3 hours in the afternoon and still fall asleep in my chair.

8) Going out means to PT or a Doctor appointment. I’m getting to the point where I just don’t want to do anything. I’m not even taking a shower every day.

For whom am I trying to get all better? I’m just on the scratch and dent pile. OK, there, I wrote stuff down. Join my pity party. I wish I could rub some dirt on it and walk it off.