Dear Pooh,

I feel you are torn between your conscience which is acutely aware of your duty of care and your grief at losing something you love and clearly value dearly and are probably great at. No doubt there is an enormous cost to you in pain and fatigue to maintain the level of concentration and adrenaline required to function in such a full on work environment. I'm wondering how you'd feel about a compromise position with perhaps less reward, lower risk,working in a less complex environment as a nurse? My suggestion is to retrain as a blood pathology nurse and work in a medical clinic. It would be more repetitive, no shift work, greater access to part time work, easier physically and cognitively. You would still have some of the financial, social,and identity benefits of working. I know it won't be the same, but what do you think? It's seems really unfair having to keep giving away things that are important to you. But it's probably playing on your mind because you're a caring nurse who would hate to inadvertently cause anyone else to suffer because of a lapse of concentration or mistake... I'm so sorry you have to face this difficult decision. You will Know when you can't trust your body/brain to keep up but it helps to let go if you have something to go to.

Booklover