I don't think God is punishing me. He gave me plenty of warnings and chances regarding the things I did wrong. I would do so well but then my world renowned self destructive tendencies would come back.

This last time it came with a vengeance. I went from being a burly, strong 240 pounder working at a world renowned investment bank, to weighing 360, a few brutal head injuries and their symptoms under the belt, with an enlarged heart wall and more palpitations in a day than I can count.

The only thing that scares me more than the palpitations are the terrifying tremors and burning I wake up with every morning with from the head injuries.

There's more to this country song of a story but suffice it to say all I want from God now is the strength to wait on his timetable to take me whether it be tonight or 10 years from now.

I didn't mean for this to be morbid. There were plenty of good times in my 46 years, an maybe there will be a miracle treatment in brain injury around the corner, I will lose the weight ad everything will be fine.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I want God to give me the strength to endure what I have wrought. For how long as he sees fit.

It is an honor to be on a board with so many people so much braver than me.

I used to think Christopher Reeves was NUTS for being so optimistic and trying to make the best of his life. And I still do. Because I don't understand where such strength and optimism comes from. I wish so much that I did.