God forgive me for this but out of all the things that happened to me, wasting close to a hundred grand in a bipolar depressed month right after the brain injury destroys me inside.

I thought I was going to die so I went insane and traded crazy and lost it.

I worked so hard for it!!

It is affecting my recovery it eats at me so much 6 years later!!!

I am not thankful that I got SSDI.

Not thankful that girlfriend has paid almost all the bills past 6 years!!!!

All that matters is me and the money I lost and could have invested and turned into 600 thousand in GOOGLE!!!! I'd be sick but have a fancy car and jewelry!!! and God knows what else.

And forget about losing my NYC investment bank salary!!!! I'm broke!!! I was supposed to be rich!!! Now I'm middle aged and broke!!

I could have, I should have, we would be!!!!

I KNOW its affecting my recovery,

Make it stop!!!!!!